there is this boy, he calls me momma, and he is a whole year old today.  I have to admit, as he grew and grew inside of me, I wondered 'if this child is a boy, will I connect with him as deeply as I do with my girl?'  I am so, SO incredibly grateful that the Lord answered the question in my heart the moment Roman left the body we shared and was placed in my arms.  It was altogether new and powerful.  Yet it was so familiar, because I love my daughter just as fiercely.  The truth that I'm learning and growing in is that, yes he has entrusted me to be their momma and John to be their daddy.  But any control that we think we have is only something we THINK we have.  The control only and fully belongs to the Lord.  My DEAR dear friend, who is like a mom and a friend to me all in one, said to me this week that we often pray that he keeps our children safe from this world.  Safe not just from physical harm but emotional.  And yes, as mothers, we so desperately want that, and I will always pray for protection.  No two people on this earth love and adore these children as much and as intensely as John and I.  But this world is anything but safe.  My children are going to walk through fire.  I naively think somehow that I can shield them and that they will grow up having it all together and perhaps little to no wounds to deal with.  But my prayer for them is morphing from "Lord, shield them" to "Lord, equip them.  Do not let me hinder your great plans for their lives, whatever they may be.  Even when it is uncomfortable and I want to keep them in this false grip."  It is definitely not something I have "arrived" at and will probably be a constant work in my heart.  But I know it begins with the witness our children will have to how their dad and I respond in the face of adversity.
I LOVE YOU more than words can say, Roman John Ellert, and I cannot wait to watch your life happen!

photo credit: Life in Whimsy Photography

photo credit: Life in Whimsy Photography

photo credit: Life in Whimsy Photography

photo credit: Life in Whimsy Photography